the man outside my window

News/Updates/Links (8:35 am EST) June Blatherchat Waiting For Frodo updated, and moved to www.waitingforfrodo.com. My Blatherings schedule for the next few weeks is going to be somewhat irregular since I will be out of town quite a bit, starting tomorrow.

There's a man outside my window right now.


I usually close the blinds when I know the window washers are working on our building, but today I decided to leave them open. My office is in a rare state where I can actually see out my window. Plus I've always felt a bit badly for window washers, having all the blinds and curtains rudely closed in their faces as they move around from one window to the next.


When the window washer guy drops down to my window, I wave at him. He waves back and says hello (I can hear him through the window).


Hey. He's kinda cute. :-)


Part of me (the part that isn't screaming in fear at the thought of being dangled two dozen floors above the sidewalk, that is) envies the window washer. He's all alone up there, with no one bugging him. Buoyed by fresh air and sunlight (and a secure harness, I hope), he has the world at his feet, with a great view of the city. He knows that most people are looking up at him and thinking, "Wow, I could never do that".


I've never been great with heights. I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of heights, but I also wouldn't say that I'm comfortable with them. I rarely went out on my balcony in Philadelphia, for example, which was on the top floor of the building. The guardrail always seemed a bit too short, and the ground an awful long way down.


Interesting sensation, that. Rationally, I KNOW that the balcony is secure, and that it would be virtually impossible to accidentally fall over the rail. The irrational part of my brain, however, is absolutely convinced that some unforeseen event is going to cause me to be sucked off the balcony and down to my death. A freak gust of wind, maybe, or a boogey-man lurking behind me, waiting to push me off.


Looks like the cute window washer guy outside is finished. With some regret, I watch him drop down to the window on the floor below.


Have a great weekend, everyone. Unfortunately I will not be able to attend the memorial for Lloyd Landa this weekend, but Allison will be writing up a report which I'll post next week. From those of us who are unable to be there, our hearts go out to Karen this weekend. We'll be thinking of you.





Today's Blatherpics:


- The Man Outside My Window.


- Annie and Sara. Sara was rehearsing for her school play. She had memorized everyone's lines, not just her own, and was putting on a show for us. Annie was given a small part, and Sara prompted her on the lines.

Feel free to suggest a daily poll question.


Today's Poll:

Have you ever lied at Customs about what you were taking across the border?

blackberry tea

News/Updates/Links (9:29 am EST) "Friendship entry clarification" and "New Blatherchat board news" posted below. Waiting For Frodo updated. A Village Voice article criticizes "Lord of the Rings" and its "ur-geeks", causing much heated response from LOTR fans. (Canoe) Chapters-Indigo deal approved. My Blatherings schedule for the next few weeks is going to be somewhat irregular since I will be out of town quite a bit.

New Blatherchat message board: I am going to be switching to a new Blatherchat message board format. The old Blatherchat has become active enough that I'm finding it more and more of a hassle to administer (since everything has to be done manually). This new Blatherchat environment will eliminate that hassle, plus offer more flexibility and options to users. I'm sure some will complain that it's not the same as the old Blatherchat, but until someone is willing to volunteer to help me maintain it, I'd rather stick with this new forum. :-) I'll leave both boards up for now so that people have a chance to experiment with the new message board. Please note that you DON'T have to register to post messages.


Clarification about what I said about friendship: I'd like to clarify something in yesterday's entry. I think I gave the impression that I prefer to have only a few very close friends, and forget about the others. Perhaps the confusion came from the fact that we all have different definitions of "close". I value all my friendships. The hard reality, however, is that no one person can spend equal time with all his/her friends without sacrificing the potential of a closer bond in some cases. Even if you spent all your waking hours with your friends, there would still be others you would be ignoring. Andy wrote:



"If I can modify the advice you're passing to young Debbie, I would say don't be too quick to dismiss the close acquaintances. Speaking from personal experience, you can never tell when your best pal is going to drop you like a hot potato, and you never know which of those acquaintances will turn out to be a true friend in a time of need." -Andy



My advice to my younger self was not to dump all your friends except for a chosen few. It was more to focus on individual friendships rather than group friendships. The latter will naturally follow from the former, I'd think. My advice was also came from my past experience of trying to be "friends with everybody". I've come to realize that this is impossible, and also a dangerous attitude in terms of one's own independence and self-esteem. Self-esteem should not be based on what everyone else thinks of you. Apologies if anyone else misinterpreted what I said.


For those who are interested in the "Letter to My Young Self" On Display project, you should read You Always Smile Too Widely, a collab entry by Jenny.


Looks like I won't be going to Contraption after all. Flight bookings at this point are going to cost too much, and I'd rather save my frequent flyer points so I can go to OVFF. Ah well. :-(


Jeff and I hung out with our nieces yesterday. While Jeff picked Sara up at school, my Dad (who was babysitting earlier in the day) and I took Annie to a nearby playground. She is fearless, that one, clambering over jungle gyms and begging Grandpa to push her higher, higher on the swings.





On the way home, we all buy popsicles and sit in the sunlight outside the convenience store to eat them. Annie chooses grape. When the popsicles are gone and we have wiped the sticky remnants off with equally sticky paper napkins, we walk the rest of the way back to the house. A walk that would have taken the average adult about five minutes takes us nearly half an hour, but my Dad and I don't mind. There are flowers to sniff, trees to climb, leaves to examine. Whenever we pass under a branch overhanging the sidewalk, Annie tries to jump up and try to touch it. A few moments later, she's squatting to examine an ant making its way across the sidwalk. An ordinary world is so much more exciting with a 4-year-old by your side. :-)


Jeff and Sara have already arrived by the time we get back home. Both Annie and Sara are fascinated by the bandages on my arms. I had a blood test earlier that day, and the nurses were having problems finding an acceptable vein...it took them four tries and three nurses. Not a particularly fun experience, but of course I downplay it for the girls, not wanting to freak them out.


ANNIE: "What happened to your arms?"


ME (with false cheeriness): "Oh, I had a little blood test."


SARA (leaning closer, fascinated): "Auntie Debbie, did you know there's BLOOD on your bandage?"


etc. etc.





After dinner, Jeff and my Dad go home. Ruth and Kaarel take Sara to her play (she is Helena in a class production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream", the abridged version). Only parents are allowed to attend. Annie sits on the couch, forlorn about being left behind, until I suggest a tea party. Annie's very keen on hosting parties. We have blackberry tea (very weak lukewarm blackberry tea, with sugar to sweeten), chocolate chip cookies made from paper, a cake with vanilla icing and red hearts I make from felt scraps. Annie even makes icecream by tearing up paper into small scraps and putting them into a bowl. It is quite the festive occasion. I read "Cinder Edna" to Annie and her stuffed companions at her polite request.


Afterwards, Annie takes me upstairs, where we lie on her parents' bed and just talk. In one of my Blatherings I had mentioned that Annie told me she was in love with a boy at school. Annie now confesses to me that she and Andrew are now married. In fact, Andrew has also married FOUR other girls in his class. (!)


Hmmm...I'm DEFINITELY going to have a little talk with young Andrew.


Annie and I talk about school, her friends, what she likes, what she doesn't like, life in general. From time to time, she leans over and pats my cheek gently, or lies across my stomach, or snuggles against me. She smells of blackberry tea and the outdoors, and I love her like crazy.





Today's Blatherpics:


- Me and Annie. Photo by my Dad.


- My Dad and Annie during our popsicle break.


- Tea party. Yes, I am wearing a paper crown on my head.


- Sara asked me to pose for a portrait. Note the dimples she drew in my cheeks, and the bandages on my arms. :-)

Feel free to suggest a daily poll question.


Today's Poll:

Are you a parent (or parent-to-be)?

letter to my younger self

News/Updates/Links (10:03 am EST) Waiting For Frodo comic updated. I'll be moving this to "waitingforfrodo.com" pretty soon. LOTR updated. In case you missed it, Bryan Fullerton added a Guest Blathering yesterday.

Today's entry was written for an On Display collaborative project. Assignment: if you could write a letter to your younger self, what would you say?


It was a more difficult assignment than I expected. On the one hand, you want your younger self to avoid making certain mistakes that you made, and to prepare her/him for future heartbreak. On the other hand, there are some things we can only learn through trial and error, and there is really nothing one can say that will make heartbreak easier (and may possibly add dread about future possibilities to the mix).


I also opted to stick with point form rather than wordier text, mainly because I know that my younger self would pay more attention to advice that way. :-)


After some thought, I finally ended up the following letter:

Dear Debbie, You will always be a writer. Don't let yourself be distracted from this. Stop worrying so much about what other people think. When you bury your first diary in the backyard, make sure you draw a map so you can dig it up later if you want it back. You will never be happy in a corporate environment. Big breasts are over-rated. All those agonizing hours of piano practising will be worth it, trust me. Take more chances. Don't give up hope. Being a geeky nerd will be "in" one day. Think more deeply about consequences. Choose your friends wisely. It's better to have a few good friendships than many acquaintances. Work on your friendships. Don't let yourself get stressed out about little things. Focus on the bigger picture. Confide only in those you trust. You look fine. Pay more attention in Geography class. Always be honest with yourself, even if it hurts. When things seem overwhelmingly bad, concentrate on getting through one day at a time. You -will- get through it, even though it may not seem like it. Don't be such a goody two-shoes. Sometimes it's ok to break the rules. Don't obsess on the past. Confrontation isn't always bad. Sometimes it's better than living with regret. You -will- eventually meet boys you like and who like you. Get to know Mom better. It's okay to be different. Consider all the above to be a list of suggestions, not a blueprint. Whatever choices you end up making, you'll eventually find your way here anyway. Good luck. :-) Debbie

Today's Blatherpics:


Nerdy me. You'd think the school photographer would have told me to straighten my glasses before snapping this shot.

Feel free to suggest a daily poll question.


Today's Poll:

Do you still own one of the comfort toys you had as a child?

online communities

News/Updates/Links (5:36 pm EST) Guest Blather from Bryan! See below! Waiting For Frodo updated. LOTR updated. (Wired) 1 out of 4 computers physically attacked by owners. :-D (Wired) E-books still not taking off. Fox has a new comic strip. (Warning: not appropriate for younger viewers!)

Guest Blatherer: Bryan Fullerton

So here goes my first guest Blathering - not really sure what to talk about, I suppose I should start writing more so I can just pick up at the drop of a hat and go on about things. I'm being encoraged to start a blog - we'll see.


Spent the afternoon hanging out with Debbie - lunch at Fune, then some wandering around, then hanging out and watching Elizabeth on DVD (I'd never seen it before) while she worked on some art stuff. As usual, Debbie was the consummate host, providing iced tea and lovely Rolo ice cream and bagels. I'll never starve visiting Deb!


Have to wrap up now - heading out for (more!) sushi with Christine and Sue, then home to play with my new TiBook. Ah, the consulting life is rough. :)


Bryan

---

I'm finding it fascinating to watch the feedback boards over on my Lord of the Rings...A Final Attempt site. I started these pages as a fun project to give me incentive to try get through the books before the movie in December. I added the feedback boards on a whim, figuring that a few people might want to post their comments as well.


I had no idea that the response would be so enthusiastic. :-) Yesterday, for example, there were *83* postings on the response page for that one chapter. After posting a chapter report, I generally only have to wait a few minutes before someone posts the first reply. Lots of avid Tolkien fans out there!


My favourite part of this whole experience, however, is that the small community that has formed on those message boards is now pretty much self-sustaining. This pleases me more than you can imagine. A few will post comments on my report, but the conversation usually goes off in multiple directions from there. Community members exchange links, info, anecdotes. Some are already over there planning the next community project! :-)


I'm a sucker for online communities, as some of you already know. I think they are one of the best things the Internet has to offer. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), big business hasn't really found a way to make online communities very profitable, which is why many of them are now abandoning the attempt. I was amazed at how many big companies assumed they could spend a lot of money on sophisticated discussion forum and chatroom software and that a zillion people would immediately rush to use them (hopefully with open wallets in hand).


They don't understand that online communities don't come out of a box, that there must be some organic growth and nurturing involved, as well as a genuine interest in that particular community that goes beyond seeing them as potential marketshare. It's that last factor that most companies don't understand. In my experience, I've found that it's actually a fairly straightforward process to draw traffic to a Web site or online community. The key factor is the people involved. Too many companies invest ridiculous amounts of money in ultra-slick community software when they would be far better off hiring (even part-time) a few people who are passionate about and members of the online community being targeted. Thus far, I've spent a total of $250 on software for The Electric Penguin communities. I know of one company who spent over US$20,000 on their community software (and that didn't even include tech support!) with disappointing results.


I'm currently involved in several online communities (Harp Resource, Dandelion Report, Blatherings/Blatherchat, and Lord of the Rings...A Final Attempt) hosted on The Electric Penguin. I have vowed to keep all as fun hobbies...my main focus is always going to be on my own writing, once I get back into workmode. I've tried to set things up so that each community can eventually be self-sustaining, with only occasional maintenance from me. I find it fascinating to see how each is developing with its own personality and interactive dynamic.


But I've promised myself that I'm not going to start up anymore online communities. Nope, no way, no more. I mean it this time! :-)


Today's Blatherpics:


- My sister-in-law Larkin and niece Brittany.

Feel free to suggest a daily poll question.


Today's Poll:

In your opinion, is it possible to be close friends with someone you have never met, but with whom you frequently exchange e-mail?

friendships

News/Updates/Links (10:03 am EST) Waiting For Frodo updated. LOTR updated. (CNN) A scholar defends Tolkien's "Lord Of The Rings" as a modern masterpiece. (BBC) The last works of Douglas Adams will be published later this year. (Wired) Interesting article about computer music programs.

Really enjoyed Andrea's visit, miss her already. :-(


We're hoping to get together again at Contraption in a few weeks, though. She has a concert there, and I'd really like to be able to attend. My other tentative con plans for the next while include OVFF (for sure), GAfilk (maybe), Confusion (maybe). I might end up having to choose the between the latter two, just because they're both in January.


I've been thinking a lot about friendships lately. The word "friend" is an amorphous term, don't you think? Some people use the term very casually, referring to someone they've only met once or twice. Others only use it for those with whom they have close, confiding relationships. And there are so many different types and levels of friendship, even within those terms.


Group friendships as opposed to individual friendships, for example. I feel privileged to have been part of several good group friendships, one in university, and one through filking. I've talked to several others who have experienced something similar, and in each case that person described the group dynamic and special bond to be "magic". It's impossible to maintain this rare chemistry indefinitely...people change, and the texture within the group also changes. I always feel a twinge of regret as I sense one of these group bonds gradually dissolving, but also gratitude that I had the chance to experience it. They wouldn't be so special if they weren't so fragile.


For me, however, one-on-one close friendships have become a much more valuable type of relationship. I know many people I consider friends, but only a very few I consider close friends. I distrust anyone who claims to have many close friends. I believe that a good friendship takes an investment of time and emotional energy. Depends on how you define "good", of course, and going into that would take up quite a few Blatherings. I'd be interested in hearing your opinions on this in Blatherchat. I'd also be interested in hearing your opinions on "convention" friendships, for those who attend conventions.


Filk convention friendships seem to be a different animal, at least for me. I am frequently bewildered by how close I can feel to people I only see a few times a year, and how difficult it is to say good-bye to them at the end of the weekend. I think that part of this is due to the shared musical bond. Non-musician/music types may find this bit somewhat confusing, so feel free to skip the next paragraph. :-)


One of my very favourite moments of a filk convention is during the open filk circle (to those not familiar with filk, this is basically a musical jam session) that usually takes place fairly late in the evening, when everything seems to click. The music's good, the musicians all seem to be reading each other's minds in terms of trading off and collaborating, everyone is supporting and encouraging everyone else, the energy is high, one song flows naturally into the next. It's truly a magical dynamic, and one that can keep me up all night when nothing else will. :-)


Filk circle moments like this are rare, and therefore all the more special when they happen. When they do happen, I find that the people in that circle share a bond that often lasts after the convention has ended. This sort of thing isn't only confined to filk conventions, of course, but I do find that the musical bond a unique one.


But I've rambled on long enough. I suppose I'm feeling nostalgic and somewhat blue after my weekend with Andrea. Hm...maybe it's time to crack open that chocolate CD. :-)


Today's Blatherpics:


- A chocolate CD gift from Andrea. This was only one of several yummy edible gifts from Andrea. I will probably post scanned pics of them this. That is, if I haven't eaten them yet.

Feel free to suggest a daily poll question.


Today's Poll:

In your opinion, is it possible to be close friends with someone you see in person only 2-3 times a year?