I'm Going To Be A Clown In The Toronto Santa Claus Parade Tomorrow!

Guess what? I'm going to be a clown in the Toronto Santa Claus Parade tomorrow! And not just any clown. A GREETER clown.

I looked over the five pages of instructions sent to me by the Santa Claus Parade people, and apparently Greeters are the only parade characters allowed to shake spectators' hands along the side of the road. My goldfish costume was originally assigned to be a Marcher, which meant that I'd have to walk in formation.

But HA, now I'm going to be a blissfully unfettered clown, free to menace the general populace!

It turns out, by the way, that the reason I was reassigned from a goldfish to a clown was because of a "Costume Malfunction." And yes, my imagination did run wild. :-) When I posted the news about my reassignment on my Facebook page, David Wheeler commented: "I think a Greeter Goldfish would be kind of cool. Or maybe a Greeter Goldfish Clown." Vixy added: "Or a Greeter Clownfish." Shlom Ster helpfully pointed out that the Greater Clownfish is endangered by pie pollution.

I was also amused by some of the blog comments in response to my clown post, and I also learned a new word (thanks, Shane):

Jeff M.: "I fear it’s inevitable that you’ll scare one or two paradegoers, sorry to say. It’s just the nature of the clown racket. However, I do highly recommend you don’t do any Tim Curry style snarling and say things like, “want a balloon? they floooooat and soon, you’ll flooooooat toooooo!”

John Chew: "Clowns in general are okay, but the thought of you dressed up as a clown will haunt my nightmares for years to come."

Shane McEwan: "Coulrophobia is quite common apparently. Clowns don’t bother me but I also don’t find them funny."

Crystal Paul: "Clowns never scared me as a kid, but they never particularly interested me either. I always considered them filler until it was time for the flying trapeze & the tightrope walkers."


But back to the instructions, which I've been dutifully poring over in preparation for the Big Day tomorrow. Apparently I'm supposed to show up at the meeting place at 10 a.m. sharp. If I'm late, they'll give my costume to a Spare Marcher. I can't really blame them for being so strict -- it must be an organizational nightmare trying to costume and place 1600 participants in one and a half hours.

Upside down characters have to report to a different meeting place. Interesting -- I guess they need special instructions. Participants who need heads (yes, that's what I said) have to pick them up from the courtyard in the building. On my application form, I specified that I didn't want to wear a paper-mache head.

Once we're in costume, we're not allowed to have any food or drink. Since the parade takes about three hours and I'm assuming we're going to be waiting in costume for about an hour beforehand, I suspect it'll be wisest to limit liquid intake before the parade since the parade's not going to stop for restroom breaks. The parade route is 6 km long (about 3.7 miles).

Judging from the current weather forecast, it's going to be chilly. The instructions recommend that I wear layered (not bulky) clothing. All costumes have been designed to be worn over street clothes, and gloves are provided with each costume.

The instructions also warn me to NOT wear anything that can't be worn underneath my costume, e.g. no purses, gym bags, etc. I'm going to wear layered clothing with pockets so I can keep my subway tokens and some money with me. I'm not allowed to remove any (the word ANY is underlined) part of my costume during the parade.

And I received confirmation that I -do- get clown makeup, yay!

To those who asked how they can get into the Santa Claus Parade -- you have to get an application form, and it seems that these can only be obtained for those who have been in the parade before (and who are willing to give up their place).

Anyway, I'm super-hyped. I'll let you know how it goes. Jeff's going to try to take a photo of me as I go by, if he can pick me out from the 199 other clowns.

Comments

[Clowning around — Debbie]

[...] what? I’m going to be a clown in the Toronto Santa Claus Parade [...]

[Leslie]

Hey, I think we're going to be somewhere in the Annex watching -- menace us, please :)

[Barb Fischer]

When you mentioned that NO clothing was to be removed, all I could think of was, "Have they had problems with stripping clowns before?" :o

[Jodi]

Hope you have a fantastically fun time, Deb! :D

[Bob Guest]

Stripping Clowns??? Now THAT's scary!